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Walk by Faith not by Sight.......
It is my firm belief
that God places us where we need to be and causes us to grow. The
rough places along the road are our training field for His glory and
for our benefit if we allow them to be.
My life passage is 2 Corinthians
1:3-7
2COR 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
2COR 1:4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. It is my joy that God has so often
allowed me to come along side of so many to offer them comfort just
as He has comforted me!! This has blessed me!
Dave and I had been active
in our church through all the time Sam's epilepsy was out of control.
Dave retired from Submarine service in 2000 and we moved to the Quiet
Corner of Connecticut, but we continued to commute the 90 miles round
trip to our church home. I was a AWANA Director, Special Needs
Ministry Co-Ordinator, Sunday School teacher as well as worship
team. Dave was also very active as Deacon, teacher and very involved.
I was burning out with the drive plus driving Anna to her school (
another 120 miles a day). My health was not doing well. We know now
it was the migraines and seizures, but at the time, it was being treated
as sinus disease and the surgery in 2001 caused permanent facial nerve
damage making the migraines worse and the pain more intolerable. We
continued this drive for 4.5 years. Sam continued to have troubles
with the kids who were bullying him, no matter how much we tried to
educate them and others. Our dear friend Pastor Bruce tried. Pastor
Todd as well tried to teach them and this helped each time, only for
a short season. Anna was very upset when we said we were going to
change churches, however.
Once we found Highpointe church (then
landmark, but soon changed to Highpointe, ) we knew we found a new
Family. Pastor Fred's messages seemed directed to my heart and soul.
Healing of the wounds from doctors not hearing us began. I had been
trying to do this all along. Perhaps on my own power and not fully
in the spirit?
Sam felt instantly accepted into the youth program
and at home there.
In April of 2005 Sam had a seizure in church while
sitting with Anna and friends and I was on the far side of the church
and Dave was upstairs doing power point. Fear nearly paralized me
as Heather came to tell me "your son is having a seizure!". My first
thought was that he does not have this kind in the day! He had not
in so many years! His are mostly at night. I willed my legs to walk,
asked where he was and got to his row and he was on the floor. Ushers
asked me if I wanted to call 911. I was having to calm them, calm
Anna, who was fearing for Sam and for herself since she had just been
diagnosed with seizures and was thinking "this could me me!".....I
told the ushers each time they came that he is all right, A nurse
sitting in front of him, handing me his glasses, another sitting behind
him has a sister with seizures. He lay there so still and I just spoke
to him, trying to calm my mother's heart and prayed.....Calming the
anger against the doctors who had not seen the need for medication.....Finally
he came to and just wanted to sit in his chair.....Pastor Fred had
asked the recording to stop, Calmly asked us if we were ok, if we
needed anything to which I was able to say we were fine, he is fine.
The sermon continued, the topic being " HOW TO DEAL WITH THOSE ANNOYING
PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE" I sat their stunned! LORD ....I hear you....the
message was about forgiving, for me, not for them...Sam sat there
in his post ictal state, as much as he could, thinking about the bullies
of the past and how the good friends he has now, would ALL be over
he was sure. I sat and fought back anger about so many doctors who,
despite abnormal testing no doctor would treat Sam!! I did not know
that in the next few days I would hear MORE from a doctor who was
falsely accusing me.....God had already been working on my heart to
forgive them. I had really been working on this. It was time for me
to truly submit to Him and allow give this totally to Him. the
veegpanion ministries has been a huge part in this healing process.
The Lord is my shield, my refuge, my fortress, my shelter, strong
tower!!!!!
After that sermon was done, God had spoken so clearly,
again....continually and forgiving is not for the ones who are doing
wrong, but for us....we cannot hold onto the things that have been
done to us, but we must let go of what has been done. It can be an
ongoing process. It is especially hard when it has been my son and
he was still suffering the consequences of not being treated. God
knew, God was watching and seeing all that was going on. His hand
was on Sam. It was on my and growing me, stretching my faith wanting
me to remain faithful.
The kids who were his friends did NOT change
right then though..some came up and asked what should they do if he
had a seizure! They asked me and learned (some did not and later did
tease and worse .....one later told him how to properly slit his wrists
just days after his suicide attempts. THIS was not a true friend.
)
That night it was so hard for him to enter the doors of church. He
was sure the bullying would return and that his friends would be gone.
Instead he was greeted with hugs and "are you ok? NOW< DON"T DO
that again, you scared us!!" Only a few backed off for a time and
he felt so secure here! We found that there were many in this church
who understand epilepsy and have had seizures or relatives who do!!
SUCH a difference!
We still have dear friends at the previous
church and miss them SO Much!! We just know that God moved us along
at the right time. Pastor Bruce once said that we are like a piece
of a puzzle and we need to be where God places us in his picture for
it to be complete!
God is good.....JER 29:11, Jer33:3
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